Watch Two and a Half Men Online

TV-14 CBS 22m 2003 7.1

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Two and a Half Men

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.


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Genres: Comedy, Romance

Stars: Jon Cryer Angus T. Jones Conchata Ferrell Charlie Sheen

Creators: Lee Aronsohn Chuck Lorre

Two and a Half Men Full Episodes

S1 E1: Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)

Aired: September 22nd, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.


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S1 E2: Big Flappy Bastards

Aired: September 29th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, and Charlie gets very...


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S1 E3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Aired: October 6th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he realizes he's losing his wife,...


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S1 E4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Aired: October 13th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers' decision to quit, after she experiences Alan's demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of housekeeper, but this situation doesn't work at...


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S1 E5: The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump

Aired: October 20th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached...


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S1 E6: Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Aired: October 27th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn't want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with not being able to talk to Charlie, that...


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S1 E7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Aired: November 3rd, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking around his place half naked. Then Alan...


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S1 E8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful

Aired: November 10th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.


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S1 E9: Phase One, Complete

Aired: November 17th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

After meeting Wendy, a one-night stand of Charlies, Jake befriends her. Charlie doesn't like this situation, as he believes Wendy is using Jake to further their relationship, and he has no...


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S1 E10: Merry Thanksgiving

Aired: November 24th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner


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S1 E11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Aired: December 15th, 2003 @ 8:00 PM CST

While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn't think Alan is as cool as Judith; prompts Alan to...


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S1 E12: Camel Filters + Pheromones

Aired: January 5th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.


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S1 E13: Sarah Like Puny Alan

Aired: January 12th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie finally gets a chance for a double date with a hot neighbor, who is out for revenge on her cheating husband, and her sister who's a hot soap opera actress, and needs Alan to come along....


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S1 E14: I Can't Afford Hyenas

Aired: February 2nd, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Stan, Charlie's accountant, tries to explain Charlie's financial woes to him.


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S1 E15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Aired: February 9th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie.


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S1 E16: That Was Saliva, Alan

Aired: February 16th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.


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S1 E17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Aired: February 23rd, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.


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S1 E18: An Old Flame With a New Wick

Aired: March 1st, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).


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S1 E19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Aired: March 22nd, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Judith's sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.


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S1 E20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Aired: April 19th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Judith believes that Jake is having a hard time dealing with his parent's divorce, after he starts annoying everyone with his non-stop guitar playing. So she suggests that they send Jake to a...


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S1 E21: No Sniffing, No Wowing

Aired: May 3rd, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura.


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S1 E22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Aired: May 10th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.


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S1 E23: Just Like Buffalo

Aired: May 17th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.


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S1 E24: Can You Feel My Finger?

Aired: May 24th, 2004 @ 8:00 PM CST

A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.


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